I have had a few encounters lately with people lamenting the “disappearance” of childhood “treasures”.
Example 1: I was at an afternoon tea party with some young women one of which had a baby daughter. The subject got around to children’s toys and one of the young women was somewhat befuddled as to what had happened to her childhood collection of Strawberry Shortcake toys. “I wonder what happened to them, I suppose my mother got rid of them, I really don’t remember, I wish I still had them!”.
Example 2:Â On a separate occasion there was some mention of the that a relative in my family never saved her daughters toys to give to her children. I am not sure how this subject came up or where it went but it was lost on me.
Example 3: While talking to a friend of mine and her grown daughter the subject came up about Lego. I told them that my son had sold his Lego to a family friend because he no longer wanted it but needed the money to save for a trip to America. These women were horrified that I would allow him to part with these toys because ~ “When he has children of his own the sets that he had will no longer be available!” And to be honest, among the Lego he sold were two sets that were his fathers, given to him by his grandmother who had saved them.
The question is, am I the strange one or do many people fill their attics, basements, closets and garages with boxes of old toys of their own or their children in the hope that they can share the experience with their children/grandchildren some day. Where does one draw the line when it comes to these toys. I must confess even as I write this I remember that there is a box of Star Wars action toys and a box of Thomas the Tank Engine toys in the top of my son’s cupboard and I have saved a couple of my daughter’s old teddy bears but I do periodically give them the choice to keep them or pass them on. Of course these are the toys that were the most special to them or in my son’s case are not only toys but collectors items.
I remember the toys of my childhood that were, for many years, the focus of our vacation entertainment. Aside from some board games there was an old construction set, my brothers Meccano Set, our electric train set, the dolls my sister and I had, some cubby house items and my brothers old adjustable rollerskates. Aside from that we made up own fun. These items, like I said, were around for almost all of our childhood years but I never once thought to berate my mother for disposing of them when we had all grew up. I didn’t ever think, why didn’t she save them for our children.
Is it just a case for some people of, I don’t have it any more therefore I want it. Which sounds an awful lot like the same motivation for shopping constantly for things people don’t need. If in fact a person does have children of their own (and that is not guaranteed) the children aren’t likely to feel like they are missing out on the experience their parents had unless it is instilled in them that they should be. I say “There is no use crying over spilled milk if the toys are gone they are gone.”. And also be selective about what you save if you must insist on doing so. Only keep the very special items and when the time come to share them with your child or grandchildren don’t be disappointed if they are unimpressed.
I remember when I was a young teenager in my first job at a book store. During break times I would sit at the desk in the back room reading whatever was on hand while I ate my snack. One day there was a kiddies book called Monty Mouse which I found most entertaining due to the fact that instead of drawn illustrations the book had photos of a taxidermic mouse posed in many different scenes of adventure. By sheer chance many years later when my children were young I happened upon a copy of this very book at a second hand stall at a railway station. I was so excited to buy it to share with my children. I have to say they were a lot less impressed than I was and it never did become one of their favourite books like I expected it would.
I have always given my children the choice of what to do with their toys. I think it is good to include them in the decision making process so they don’t think they have been deprived of anything. I have never forced them to part with them but they usually decide to donate them or sell them in order to make way for the next best thing that is suitable for their new age group. I suppose that because they have been raised with me decluttering things it is a natural progress for them to do the same when they outgrow their stuff. I suppose it is therefore true that for children who have been raised with the idea that things possess unfathomable sentimental value they will likely forever have a problem with parting with things.
Today’s Declutter Item
The item today is an example of my children making their own choices when it comes to their toys. These plates were a part of my son’s Snoopy collection that started when he was about three years old. It has grown and followed us around for 17 years but he decided some time back that he had outgrown it and was happy to pass it on. I have been trying to sell parts of it for him in the hope of earning him a little cash. These plates sold on eBay last weekend for $25.oo. Mission accomplished. Some of it has also been Freecycled and the rest I think will be donated.Â
Part of my Son's old Snoopy Collection
Something I Am Grateful For Today
I had a very successful eBay weekend and you will soon be able to see photos of the items that were sold in the Item Of The Day section over the next week or so. I netted about $370 and sold some items I have been wanted to part with for some time. As us Aussies say, I am a happy little Vegemite and so is my son and my daughter will be when she finds out I sold her keyboard for $80.
I think you’re totally right…I would never have played with my mother’s toys nor I think that my future children will play with my old teddy bear or my old Barbie dolls 😀
I also think it’s the same for children clothes: my mother keeps all my baby clothes “For when you’ll have babies” but I think it’s because she can’t part with them.
For me they are sentimental clutter taking dust in the garage. Who would wear 70s and 80s children clothes most of which have also my name written on them??!! 😀
Hi Paola,
I think that is a simple case of your mother placing too much importance of material objects, probably something instilled in her by her own upbringing whether by example or by deprivation. Just be grateful you didn’t succumb to it as you grew up. Your mother is so precious wanting to save these things for you she must love you very much but she probably ought to know that you really don’t want them.
I’m trying to make her understand that…recently I managed to “push” her letting me throw away 2 cardboxes full of my baby clothes, tattered bath towels and shreds of cotton (she didn’t even remember why she had kept these ones…).
Still more to deal with, but however it’s a good start 🙂
Hi Yilharma,
welcome to 365 Less Things and thank you for sharing your story with us.
I read your post on this subject (it translated into English well enough for me to understand the situation). Your mother obviously had some emotional turmoil parting with these items. Sometimes it is difficult to rationalise with people as to why it is futile to store things in boxes in dark places where they are never seen. In your case the items were also in very poor condition so it is hard to understand why they were kept in the first place. i hope your mother understood in the end that it is not necessary to keep such object in order to keep the happy memories of your childhood. Good luck with your future efforts in helping her to declutter.
Oh my…it’s so weird reading my post translated by Google 😀
There are a few idiomatic expressions it wasn’t able to translate fully…soooo funny!!
Anyway, thank you Colleen, I think we (my mother and I) will eventually be able to cooperate 🙂
Hi Paola,
yes Google Translate can only do so much. I is not hard to read between the lines though. And good luck with the toy decluttering.
Childhood toys and books are the most challenging area for me to de-clutter. The world of childhood is so precious to me. The fact that I am an only child and so is my daughter sort of adds to the difficulty (I’m 60 and she’s 26)
Every year or so, I reevaluate what is left from my daughter’s childhood (and a few from my own) and find I can let go of something else. This is how I deal with sentimental clutter as well, reevaluating each year or so.
My challenge to myself is to incorporate these items as part of my current life, either decoratively or functionally. Items that just stay stored in a box are next to be let go.
Hi Debbie V,
you prove here that ones upbringing has an effect on your attitude towards material items and that is understandable. Remember decluttering is about letting go to the things that you are ready to let go of. It seems to me that you have a system in place for reducing these items in a manner that is acceptable to you. Do you include your daughter in the process? The fact that she is grown and old enough to make the decisions on whether she will ever want her old stuff makes her the prime candidate in helping you to let go. Decluttering doesn’t have to be about minimalism, I do not consider myself a minimalist and if there is something I am not ready to part with I don’t. I do however find it helpful to analyse why I am keeping the objects that I do and in the end I usually deduce that my new lifestyle does not support continuing to store items from my past. Good luck and happy decluttering. 🙂
My Mom and my Mom-in-law kept stuff (my husband’s stuff he received over the past 4 years). I readily decluttered my own childhood stuff ages ago (before marriage; no regrets); my husband can decide what to do with his own childhood toys (currently our kids play with his matchbox cars every so often).
My favorite thing in childhood was climbing trees (they are still readily available!!!). Other than that I lived in my pair of metal (with key) roller-skates (God bless rollerblades, so much more efficient!!!). My first barbie doll had stiff legs and if ya took her hair out of the rubber band on top of her head, she had this HUGE bald spot. Eventually I gave her a ‘hair cut’, and then she WAS bald (except for those bangs, must have been the ‘style’). LOL!!!!
I’ve no idea what happened to the roller skates or the doll (they didn’t show up w/ the stuff my Mom saved and then eventually gave me). But I do know I love the memories of soaring down a steep hill on those metal wheels!!!! The MEMORIES are all that matter!!!! Let my kids find and get and experience their own childhood memories (and not from having MY stuff!)!!!
Hi Annabelle,
well said and isn’t it funny how the two toys you remember from your childhood weren’t among the items your mother kept. It just goes to show that her experience of your childhood was different to yours and your children’t experience of those toys if you still had them would be different again. They would probably look at them and go “Your kidding right, did this stuff come out of the Ark.” ~ well maybe not those exact words but you get the idea.
You are so right the memories are what counts and there are always new ones being made so why dwell too much on the past.
out of the ‘ark’…
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! You so just made my day!!!
I’ve a big BIG b-day approaching, so out of the ‘ark’ is just about right!!! I love it!!!! 🙂 You’re the best!
It is always my pleasure to provide your entertainment my dear.
Is that birthday a Four O? I had to go into my files to take a look at your photo to try and guess. You surely can’t be fifty so it must be 40 because 30 isn’t a big BIG birthday. Your daughter hair is gorgeous by the way, I bet she hates it or she will when she is a teenager.
She already hates it at 7. WHAT? I would PAY for those curls and that color…. WAIT!!! I have, far in the past, PAID for those curls and that color….
I’m looking at the BIG 5-0 (which, so I’m told, IS THE NEW ’30’). hee hee hee!!!!
Hi Annabelle,
the way my hip and heal are playing up lately I am starting to think 50 may be the new 70 for me. You don’t look 50 by the way. And your daughter will probably never appreciate that beautiful hair.
what a great question, colleen.
I dont have children now, and I am not even sure if I really want some, but my mum has kept the LEGO and my Barbies and the wooden traintracks… Lego changed its range of products a lot and its true that there are some things you cant get anymore. We have a broad, solid collection, which is worth a lot of money and in a good shape, as we had to take care of our toys… I guess my mum kept it mostly, because she loved to play with it herself. As an adult I mean. and because LEGO and also the wooden traintracks are sort of timeless and hard to destroy. 😉 I consider that a very important factor for the choice of toys.
I got an old, almost bald steiff teddybear from my dad. He got it in his childhood. its one of the possessions I dont even consider to give away.
I dont think my mum kept clothes though. She is organising a baby-bazar every 6 months, where people just sell and buy what they need. (I hated as a child to wear second-hand clothes, but it is a waste to spend money on something that is used for 3 months and then its outgrown…)
Although I have to admit, the little neighbours daughter looked fab in the 70s shirts from her mum 😉
oh and congratulations on your eBay sale! your children will love you for that! getting money out of stuff that you almost forgot you had, is better than finding money in pockets of old trousers 😉
Thanks Lena, I do get extra satisfaction out of earning a little cash for the kids.
Hi Lena,
you are right these are all good quality products and if your mother is happy to keep them well and good. I had to laugh when you said your mother loved to play with them herself. I can really relate to that I also loved playing with my kids, particularly Lego, board games and doing art with them, that’s half the fun of being a mother and I got to play with a whole new generation of toys. I also loved reading to them. But those days are gone and we move on to the next stage. Perhaps they will have children of their own one day and I will get to be a kid again. 😆
As for that Steiff Teddy it is probably worth a lot of money. I bet my Mother-in-law would like to get her hands on that. 😉
Lena,
Oh how I always wished I’d get an old bald steiff teddy bear!!! Always hang on to that one, it sounds WELL LOVED!
Since we currently live in the country where those darling teddy bears are produced (by hand, I do believe!), I have purchased one each for my kids. They love their bears! Those I will save for them (ok, so I can get emotional!).
Annabelle,
it is indeed very well loved. One day I might give it away to my children or those of my brothers, if we ever get some. If we dont, there might be a friends child in my life that sees not just a really really old and used thing, but a play-partner that needs hugs and love and once in a while a needle from a mother to sew the leg/arm/eye that it lost during the play…
isnt it amazing that teddybears are items that work for every child, in every generation, in every country…
Hi Lena,
how would you feel if you passed the Teddy on to someone who then sold it because they knew that old Steiff bears are very collectable and they stood to make some quick hard cold cash? I am just curious.
I would never ever sell it. My father gave it to me when I was about 10, telling me how important this bear was to him. He died 5 years ago, the bear stayed with me and I will tell the next person to own it, just how important it was for him and now for me. I really hope I can find someone who is appreciating the sentimental value over the financial…
Come to think of it, if this bear is really worth something… its increasing my intentions to keep it. somehow. I cant really say why… 😉
oh now I get it – I read the question again, and I got it wrong. sorry about that.
well I hope I have enough knowledge of human nature to find a person to appreciate the bear in its usefulness as a childrens toy, and not just as money-gainer. If I fail, well then the people get a good amount of money out of it. its their choice and they probably need the money. if the bear gets into a collection, the collector itself will have some sort of value for it, and well than thats the fate of the bear. I dont want money for it. if the next owner chose to sell it. good for them. 😉
Hi Lena,
you have hit the nail right on the head here. You first read that question from an emotional stand point, I bet. 😉 Then you went back and really read what I asked which wasn’t meant to insight a defensive reaction although I must admit I thought it might. Humans, we are really interesting things aren’t we.
I like your attitude about the fate of the bear. You are so right if you can’t find someone to love it like you do, to sell it to a collector who will really appreciate it would be a truly good fate indeed. Especially if it is one who shares the beauty of their collection with others who will also appreciate it. There is a doll museum in Bellevue Washington in the USA that my mother-in-law really enjoyed going to when she came to visit me when I lived there. The museum is the private collection of a woman who is now sharing it with others and making money out of the enterprise as well. Win Win!
Hi Lena,
I understand exactly how your feel. And when the time comes that you do pass it on you are correct in thinking you need to find someone who also understands exactly how you feel is is prepared to carry on gladly caring for the bear. Otherwise you will be foisting some pretty heavy obligation clutter to that someone who may not appreciate it.
The question is why would the monetary value of the bear increase your desire to keep it when you never intend selling it. It should make no difference, it is really of pure (understandable) sentimental value to you. 😉
maybe its the fact that its not just some bear, who accidentally is of sentimental value for me, but also of value for someone else. if the someone else wants it – and I have it – its even more special… does that make sense? 😉
That absolutely makes sense Lena. And I am sure you will find that person one way or another. And it doesn’t have to be someone close to you it could just be someone who will love it for their own reasons.
I love Annabelle’s comment – it truly is the MEMORIES that count. I love to reminisce with my brothers and sisters and my husband about the toys we had when we were little. I don’t think we’ve ever really said – I wish we still have those toys – I know my brother still wishes he had his old Star Wars toys but he is a Star Wars fanatic so that makes sense:) I have maybe a handful of old toys from when I was a child – a doll my grandpa made for me and a doll my mom made for me and some other little things. They are on a shelf in my daughter’s room – she doesn’t play with them but does ask about them sometimes. As for her own toys – I try to encourage her in her decluttering mission. About 2 years ago she decided she didn’t need any of her barbies anymore. She gave away all of them but maybe 3 and saved just a couple outfits. I LOVED barbies until I was about 14 so it was hard for me to see her give those things up at just age 9. On the other hand I was happy to see those things go out of the house and on to other children that loved them.
My mom saved ALL of our baby clothes and pased a bunch of stuff down to me when I had my daughter (I was 28 when I had her so those clothes were old:)) – the elastic was dry and brittle and they were in such bad shape that they couldn’t even be donated – I had to throw 95%of them away. It would have been so much better if she had donated them in the 70s and 80s so other kids could have had the benefit of them.
Hi Raesha,
reminiscing with your siblings is even more enjoyable then actually having the items. You can laugh together a rehash old rivalries and act like you are kids again. What fun!!! I bet your brother wishes he had his old Star Wars toys if he is now a fanatic. Oh well ca sera. A handful of toys from your childhood sounds like a manageable collection to share with your own child. it is interesting that she only displays them but never plays with them. I know how you feel about those Barbies, I think that is why my son’s Thomas trains are still in the top of his closet, not so much because he wants them but because I think he might later on. I will reassess that situation with him again soon.
I have recently decluttered a couple more clothing items I had saved for my kids, not that I had many to begin with but there are a few special pieces. The ones I decluttered were ones I decided were just being kept because they were cute and my mum made them. They are just a half a pillowcase of hand knitted items left now, nothing with elastic that will perish and become useless.
I remember, with horror a Dolly that belonged to my mum that she used to sit on my bed (thinking i’d like it) it terrified me!! I used to dream about it coming alive and i used to hide it under my bed each night, it had the most sinister face, i laugh about it now, but to a 6 year old girl with a very active imagination it was the stuff horror films where made of. The lesson i learnt here was that just because you love it doesn’t mean your children will.
Each of my boys have had a special toy from their childhood which has been kept, my daughter is nearly 9 and honestly i don’t know what her special toy is. DS1 has a teddie, ds2 has a car, and ds 3 has a book.
Confession time, i have kept my daughters dolls pram and first doll, i kept it because I was sentimental about it. After 3 much loves sons i was elated to have a girl and all the girly things. Truth is she is a tom boy (like i was) and loves rough play with the only real girly activity she takes part in is ballet, the rest of the time she’s playing on her bike and ball games with her brothers.
So what should i do with the pram? It’s currently in the loft and when december arrives i am taking the christmas decoration down and clearing 80% of them, should i send the pram packing then??? Thank you Colleen for my current dilemma lol….. Now that the bureo has been resolved……… 🙂
Sharron x
Sharron,
if someone is already asking, if….. isnt the question the answer? 😉
Wow Lena, I like those words of advice. Well said!
Hi Sharron,
you really made me laugh! I am sorry to be such a pain in your derrière. As for the pram, it is really entirely up to you. Perhaps you should ask your daughter what she thinks. i suggest you give it some long hard thought. Are you prepared to keep it for another generation? Is it only you that will ever feel attached to it? Will it become obligation clutter to someone else? Has keeping it just become a habit that is hard to break? What use is it to someone in your attic? Should you put it on display rather than hide it away? (You do have that space in the living room where the bureau used to be. 😉 )
One thing for sure you should do, if you decide to get rid of it, is have it valued first, doll collecting is a thriving hobby and people pay big money for old dolls and accessories. Trust me I know, my mother in law is a doll collector.
I also had to laugh at the story of your mother’s doll. My daughter who went to live with her grandmother at 18yrs old (to go to university) is still scared of the knitted doll that used to sit on the top of the cupboard in the room she now lives in. Your description of your mothers doll is exactly the same as what Bridget feels about this one and she isn’t 6. I think the doll was moved to storage under the house when Bridget moved in but they got it out the other day just for a laugh. I told my son he should (for a laugh) get it out and put it back on top of the closet in her room while she is at work one day and scare the daylights out of her. I forgot to remind him when he went there to visit last week. Too bad, maybe next time. 😆
OOOO such wickedness!!! LOL poor Bridget!! I actually did not know what happened to that doll, i must ask my mum!!!
I am going to ask my daughter about the pram, i suppose i had visions of my grandchildren playing with it, and that comes from the least sentimental person on the planet 🙂 But i think i am light years away from impending grandparenthood, i am 34 , whilst biologically possible, (my son is 16) i very much doubt that becoming a parent is at the forefront of his mind, besides we’ve had the birds and bees chat on many occasions, he gets it 🙂 so i’ll let you know about the pram, the doll is just a baby anabelle, mass produced, not worth a carrot.
Sharron x
Ha Ha, I’m evil. 😈
I think each generation should have its own experience living in its own era. I can’t even imagine wanting my parents to have saved old toys from their childhood for me to play with! Likewise, I don’t miss any of the toys of my childhood. I’m an adult, with other pursuits, some of which aren’t even the same as they were five years ago. I definitely don’t want to physically drag my past around with me.
Hi Eva,
I am glad to see you have strong views about that. The strength of your conviction makes it an easy choice to declutter as you go, thats for sure.
OMG I love this post! I saved dolls, books, stuffed animals and building sets from my childhood. My children (three adult girls now) played with some of the items, but were not one bit interested in books from my childhood. They had their own books for their generation. I have been able to let go of most of those books (except Nancy Drew!) I now have a 10-year old granddaughter who lives out of town. During one visit she looked at a doll I received as a gift from my grandmother in Germany and she referred to the doll as “creepy”. This gave me the motivation to release my German doll to the Goodwill. The doll was one of those plastic walking dolls of the 1960’s. I also have a beloved Steiff teddy beart given to me by my German relatives. I am releasing more and more ‘stuff’ from my childhood because I don’t need them in order to relive the memories. It’s great feeling! Thanks to Colleen and the other commenters who are helping me through the decluttering process!
Hi Alice,
I am pleased you are learning to let go. But when it comes to some items like toys, find out what the stuff you are letting go of is worth before giving it away. I guarantee that Steiff teddy will be worth trying to sell.
Funny you should bring this up. Just yesterday I saw an old toy of my daughter’s, who is now at college, in someone else’s storage. It was an old schoolhouse made by Fisher Price which had cute pieces to go with it like playground equipment, school desks etc…it was considered old when I bought it. And there was this pang of regret that I had let it go. How stupid! I have not thought of it since the day I sold it at a garage sale many years ago but there is was. It was purely sentimental wanting to bring back those days of her childhood. I have often asked my daughter if she has wanted certain old toys and such things and she has always said no except for a few memorable books. She wants as little clutter as possible as she begins her independent life. My kids have collected lots of lovely plastic animal figures through the years. I have a shoe box of these well made ones that I have still held on to. I still find it very useful when I have moms come over with little children. So it is nice to have a few toys around to entertain busy little people who visit.
I had the same incident happen with a book I loved. When studying children’s literature I fell in love with the detailed illustrations in a version of Beauty and the Beast. I searched for it and found it for my kids. They did NOT like the book at all. Odd what adults THINK children should love.
Hi Grace from Brazil,
when I see things from my and my children’s childhoods I just enjoy them and the memories they evoke in that moment for what they are and move on. It is nice to have that little reminder and to reminisce momentarily but that is all I need. I still love to quote passages from the Dr Zeus and other books I used to read to my children but I don’t need the book to do that. God knows I read them enough to have them etched into my memory for a lifetime. One if my favourites is “This is what you should not do so let that be a lesson to you!” from one of the Berenstain Bear books.
I love to have a little wander around the antique shops occasionally, just for the memories that evokes but I am happy to go home empty handed but full of happy thoughts.
Interesting topic. I really don’t have many of my son’s old toys. I had a box of his stuffed animals. While I was out of town, he, his wife and my husband went thru them (at my request). It was decided that we would keep them for his children. I’m fine with that; I now have them in a good quality storage container. I did go thru them first and threw out at least one that had damage. I think I also have another box somewhere for him to go thru. I’m keeping my personal opinion about keeping things or not to myself. They are his things and I tell him I will support whatever decisions he (and his wife) makes.
I did sell my old Barbies some years back. My mom was a little horrified; but I told her I was done having children (my son) and I wasn’t going to hold on to them for a possible granddaughter. And at the time the $300+ really came in handy.
Hi Mary,
it sounds to me like you are doing all the right things here. Allowing each owner, including yourself, to make up their own minds about what to keep and what the sell or give away. Like you said that $300 can be very handy and perhaps fund even more beautiful memories even if that is a story of getting one through hard times.
What a great post and great comments. I am sorry to say that I have a stack of clothes my sister wore in the 80s that my mom gave me last vacation. I don’t put them on my child when I have the choice of a cotton dress or an old polyester dress, so why am I still keeping them?! I think they will be the thing to go today. My problem is wanting to keep things for the chance that a foster child will come who is that age and needs some toys to play with while with us. We are currently totally upending our lives for my father-in-law to come live with us, so I may be letting the toys go this week, too!
Hi The Other Lynn,
one thing is for sure we all have to make our own decisions in our own good time. You do what is right for you. There are always thrift stores where you can pick up some good inexpensive modern clothes for a foster child if you need to.
I truly don’t understand it either. My parents only saved a few things, but my brother has a few storage boxes full of items, like Jurassic Park toys, Legos, etc. My MIL, however, kept EVERYTHING! My husband’s toys were passed down to his little brother which are now being played with by my children. They seriously have closets FULL of old toys. It’s nice that our boys have toys to play with while over there, but at the same point why take up all that space? Plus, the majority of the toys were made in the 80’s when there was still lead in paint and BPA in plastics–not exactly the types of things I want near my children. I truly hope our boys choose to keep little! All I know is that I surely won’t be storing it for them.
Hi Megyn,
yes EVERYTHING does seem a little excessive. Some people I suppose just have a hard time letting go, not only of the stuff but of the fact that their children have grown up. i know someone just like that.
I still have Jessi (my gender confused teddy – well I was confused between he/she her/his when I was young!) She’s still under my wing even these days. When I have someone else in my bed, I hide her, and I don’t take her travelling (anymore) but I do love her (and use her!)
I also have a childhood book ‘Each peach, pear, plum’. I remember talking about it in Year 9 at school and thinking ‘if mum has decluttered it, I’ll need to find it’. Despite my mum being v v good at an old purge, I still have it! And i still love it.
One book I hated was about Goblins – even dad said the pictures scared him when he read it to me. Not sure where it went, would love to know if it was still ‘scary’!
Seems this is one realm I/my family have conquered well! Lucky we moved a lot when us kids were kids! Really made us think about it!!
Hi Snosie,
Jessi obviously isn’t clutter to you and therefore keeping him/her is well and truly justified. I found something for you watch and enjoy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gskQ8AGNYdU .
How is your shoulder by the way?
Agh, another three hours in a hospital, and then they could download films taken at anothe rhospital, so back down 6 floors to get them done… Eventually I realised, perhaps going ‘private’ would be the way to go! I’m now at work, for what good 1.5 hours work will do (it will ease my cabin fever and stress about work!)
Basically, sling for another 5 weeks at least, no water polo (my life) for 3-5 months likely, another 5 weeks til the Road authority will even consider I can drive… so a long time rely on many others… And idle time for uncluttering!
Oh well Snosie, lets hope there is a higher purpose behind all this and that something great will come out of it in the end. Try to be a cup half full kinda gal.
Grace from Brazil brings up a couple of interesting points.
1. There are some memories that are greatly enhanced by holding or viewing the actual item that is connected to them. I believe these special items are worth the “clutter”. Ideally the number of these items should be few.
2. If we do possess these special memory holders, they are for us. Our children have no memories to go with them.
Hi Deb V,
I particularly liked you second insight here. The most beautiful part of these objects are the memories they hold and without those memories they aren’t so precious. Is it any wonder that the next generation often look at these offerings and wonder why the giver bothered.
Hi Colleen,
This is an area I still have strong feelings about! My mother was/is a “neat freak” and she regularly cleared away our belongings as we grew up. The trouble is that she didn’t know which items were “security blankets” or special loves; if they were tatty, out they went (during the day, while I was at school), if she believed I had outgrown them, they either moved on to my younger (at that stage, uninterested in books) sister to wreck, or on to the local children’s hospital. All very sensible, and practical, but it left me with the desire to keep every enjoyed book very close to me. Now (at the start of my 60s) do I have to divest myself of them. I minded about the toys at the time, but more of those were saved for me (and funnily enough, my daughter wasn’t very interested in them), but my books … I can still think of a few I’d love a final read of!
Result: I saved nearly all of my daughter’s belongings, and over the years we have dispensed with many of them. We still have far too many left (and she is 23 now) but we can carry on this way for a few years yet. Far better that she part with them in her own time, than carry a load of resentment!
Hi Ann,
I agree with what you are saying here. Which is why I always involve my children in the declutter process when it comes to their stuff and sometimes even my and their dad’s stuff I think it is something that they cherish. What your mother did has most likely done as you say, caused you to hoard your precious item close to you in the fear that they will be taken away. Experiences like this and the fear they provoke can have a long lasting profound effect on a person. In fact I have been wanting to write a post about this very subject and maybe you can help me with that being as you have your unique experience to draw from. I will contact you about it.
i believe you have done the right thing by your own daughter. Although perhaps saving everything might be going a little too far at least she has been given the choice of what she does and doesn’t want. You are setting a good example with the way you are now decluttering your own items, which hopefully she will draw new found lessons from.
Colleen,
I really must add that my mother certainly didn’t intend to be cruel or even unkind – she simply didn’t understand, and didn’t imagine (or possibly value) a child’s view – it would all have been about tidiness.
Hi Ann,
of course I understand that. I am sure I have done some things as a parent with all good intension that my children aren’t so pleased about particularly in the name of tidiness. My mother-in-law once said that I used to put the children’s toys away before they were even finished playing with them. I think she exaggerates but maybe only a little. 😉
I think Ann’s point is very important. My husband feels similarly about his parents giving away almost all his things without his permission and is quite bitter about it. He definitely has cluttered tendencies now and has difficulty giving things away. I do go through my kids’ rooms and get rid of a few things I am fairly sure they will not miss, but for most things I wait until I can convince them to get rid of the item. And occasionally even that has backfired. I’ve learned the hard way that if I put on a little too much pressure to give something away when the child isn’t quite ready, he or she may months or a year later truly regret having given away the item and really want it back, even though he or she “agreed” to give it up. That’s how I came to purchase a second Corolle doll that can go in the bathtub!
Hi Elisabeth,
welcome to 365 Less things and thank you for adding your voice to this conversation. The more the merrier and this one sure has been a lively conversation today. I knew what I was letting myself in for when I wrote it and I have loving every minute of it.
I understand how both your husband and Ann have been affected by the thoughtless disregard for their personal belongings. That sort of treatment can have a very long lasting effect. I also understand what you are saying about putting pressure on rather than gentle persuasion to convince your children to declutter their belongings. My kids are grown now but one still lives with me and the other who lives away still has stuff here. I usually get the one who lives away to go through a pile of her stuff every time she comes home. I always make sure to tell her that she only has to part with what she wants to and not to be too influenced by my desire to declutter. The one who lives with me often declutters in the middle of the night and I wake up to a pile of discards on the kitchen bench in the morning. I never really have to encourage him, he just does it randomly when the clutter starts to get out of control.
Thanks again for adding your voice and I hope we hear from you often.
My 50 year old husband has all his toys, carefully preserved by his mother. Takes up a lot of storage, no the kids can’t play with them either. It’s crazy!
Hi Anne W,
I have to admit I think that is a little crazy too. Keeping them is one thing not sharing them with the grandchildren now that does make me wonder. 😕
I saved waaay too much of my toys. I lugged them around from place to place waiting for the day I could pass my “treasures” onto my daughter(s). Well fate had a nice joke on me and gave me sons. So I started gifting my childhood playthings to my friend’s girls and my neices. I found 2 reactions…
“Oh no! You know they will play rough with these barbies/carebears/ponies? Are you SURE you want her to wreck them?” to which I happily assure them that they are not my toys anymore and they can do with them as they please and that I hope she likes them.
The other reaction has been teary-eyed nostalgia and amazement from the moms as they remember playing with these toys with ME as a kid. They are shocked that I still have them and touched that I would share after all this time.
Both reactions are wonderful, so I don’t regret hanging onto them this long, nor do I regret letting them go to other homes.
I limit my “future grandkids” toys to one rubbermaid tote. Unisex timeless ones only.
Hi Creative Me,
loved your comment. It is the epitome of one fallible aspect of keeping toys for your children. One you might not have any and two they may be the opposite gender to the toys kept. I am glad however that you had no problems letting them go to new good homes when you realised you were never going to have use of them again. Clever move only keeping the unisex toys for the next generation.
I agree. The child itself should have veto on saving stuff or tossing it. I have spend years trying to convince my mother that my barbie collection should go. Finally, we sold it on the dutch eBay “Marktplaats” for about 100 EUR, which is quite a lot (it was a pretty big collection, so it was worth it, I guess).
If the child itself doesn’t want it, who else will?
Hi Nurchamiel,
I haven’t heard from you for a while. How have you been?
Isn’t it odd when parents can’t understand when you don’t want your old stuff. I suppose they want to save it for your children but there is no guarantee that you are going to or want to have any. I am glad you made 100 euro on the deal. Good for you.
Yes it’s true, you haven’t heard from me for a while, but I kept reading the posts every week. I am actually quite busy for school, but I’m enjoying myself. I am styill trying to battle my paper monster, I hope most will be done during the autumn holiday (1 week).
I think it is odd that parents want to hang on their children’s toys more than the children do. I decluttered most of my childhood toys because I don’t like any anymore. But, as you already have read, my parents like to hang on to my old stuff (that I don’t want anymore). I’m actually planning on taking a box (already have found one!), put all the stuff that my parents want to keep (and I don’t) and give it back to them.
Hi Nurchamiel,
if your parents want the stuff so badly I see no problem with just letting them have it. I wouldn’t want to be you decluttering their home later but they may change their ways later on. Hopefully.
Hi Colleen–this post really hits a sore spot with me. I tried for twenty years to get my mother to deal with the stuff crammed in her attic bedrooms, offering to do most of the work and lugging around, etc., and actually got started on it in the spring. We got most of one room cleaned out, but most of my old toys and such were behind everything she had added to the other room over the course of thirty years. We had a minor tiff later that day, to which she reacted so badly that she stopped speaking to me for several months. During that time she went upstairs to sort everything out on her own, and my father arranged for an auction of all the stuff in the attic plus all his old stuff in the barns. By the time of the auction she’s speaking to me again, but didn’t tell me any details. My son and I went to the auction, and there were all my toys and dolls I haven’t seen in thirty years or more, being auctioned off as part of a big general sale. I couldn’t even get close to or touch any of them because I wasn’t a bidder. It was weird seeing buyers walk by with an old favorite toy. They also sold a lot of stuff that my father had incessantly repeated he was going to give to my son.
I have never done nor would ever do such a thing to my son, and I’m still reeling from my parents’ sheer nerve and spitefulness. I probably would not have kept ninety percent of what was sold, but it should have been my choice, and I would have enjoyed a little trip down memory lane before letting them go. In the end, though, my son and I try to look on the bright side, which is now there’s a huge amount of stuff we won’t have to deal with in the future.
Hi meg,
I remember you saying you had had a falling out with your mother. What a shame. Sometimes we can say the silliest little thing that then gets blown out of all proportion. One would think that a treasured relationship should always be more important than ego but alas that that isn’t always the case. I am glad she is at least talking to you again even if she was somewhat overzealous about auctioning off all of your stuff. It sure does sound rather spiteful. I imagine she was feeling a bit raw by you insisting they “clean up their act” and decided to do a little tit for tat or “i’ll show you”. Like you say though try to look at it from the cup half full perspective of at least you won’t have to deal with it all in the future. It is probably best to pretend none of the unpleasantness ever happened. Easier said than done though sometimes.
Me and my sister LOVED books from my mom’s and grandma’s youth. My nieces are old enough to start reading them.. I bet they will love them too. We also loved to have some toys and scraps from their childhood -old things. My daughter has a few things from my own childhood that she plays with.
If you have the room, it’s okay to keep some truly cherished, time-tested, quality items or handmade items with sentimental value. Just make sure you edit well!
Hi Cat’sMeow,
I absolutely agree!
There were toys at my Grandmother’s house when I was a child that used to be my fathers, not many but enough to keep us amused when we visited though. Back in those days though we managed to keep ourselves amused without a lot of props.
Hi Colleen,
Well, as far as keeping toys, I must say I have saved two dolls from my childhood, not for my children or grandchildren, but for me! One is a small doll with a loop to hang onto that has a zipper in the bag of her dress like a purse in which you can put small items. In the 8mm films my mom has, I was a year old when I first played with it. The other is a baby doll my beloved grandmother gave me when I was 8, whose eyes open and shut when you wind her up. I took good care of my toys so she still has her original outfit. I love this doll and have given her a place of honor on the guest bed.
Some of my son’s timeless classic toys that I’ve saved include: Legos, Lincoln Logs, Tupperware stencils, Spirograph wheels, small army men, a few matchbox cars. I have a large, decorative popcorn tin with Duplex building pieces and nice animal toy figurines and another shoe box with creative artsy items that I keep handy when children come over (no grandchildren yet). The neighbor kids would beg to come over just a few years ago to play with these toys. They have been well worth keeping and have entertained many happy children.
My husband has kept his childhood Tonka trucks —the good old-fashioned ones with the metal bodies—no plastic! Our son played with them and I think they will be enjoyed by future generations. The trick to saving toys is to keep those with lasting value that never go out of style or favor, inspire the imagination, and are enjoyed by either gender.
hi Di,
it certainly sounds like you have gotten plenty of use out of the those toys. You are right though that if you are going to keep toys it is best to keep the timeless classics that any generation would love. I am guessing though that you have lived in the same home/neighbourhood for a very long time.
I am most likely more inclined not to save quite so much because we move on about every five years on average. We never know how much space we are going to have from on house to the other and now our aim is to keep downsizing because we want to spend a lot of time traveling when my husband retires.
We have been in this house for eight years, the longest we’ve been in any place, but we have a large old house. Not that I want to fill it! Having extra toys around was a deliberate choice that relates to my philosophy on hospitality. If you have folks over who have children, it’s nice to have something to occupy the young ones while the adults are visiting. If the parents have to worry about the kids getting into things or breaking things, then they won’t be able to relax and enjoy themselves. And besides, my husband enjoys the building toys also!!!
Hi Di,
I understand your reasoning especially if you have friends and neighbours with kids. I am with your husband I enjoy the building toys too and board games. I would want to desert the adults and go and play with the kids. 😆
Hi Colleen! Sorry it took me so long to read this post, but I am having a busy week. Well I have a story that concerns an old doll of mine and my three year old child. I have this doll that looks like a baby, that I got when I was 8 years old. I named it and even had a “christening”. I considered it “my son”. It is dressed as a boy. I saved it because it meant a lot to me during my childhood. I didn’t know if I was going to get married to have children, so it wasn’t saved for them, but because I had an attachment to this toy. Well fast foward to today. My 3 year old son took a likening to the doll. He loves it. He changes its diaper (well, he tries, but I will not let him waste a diaper on a doll, :-D) and he insists on sleeping with the doll. He says it is his. He has his own cars and toys, but he likes the doll. So I let him have it. It was spontaneous, and maybe that is why it happened. I don’t think we have to save anything for our children and make them have it and expect aprecciation. Or that we have to regret saving this and not that. They are objects. My doll meant something special to me and my little boy decided that it would mean something to him too.
Andreia,
I understand your feelings about your doll perfectly. I got mine at the same age and it was “my baby”.
Hi Colleen,
You did it again for me! Magical words at just the right time. Just trodding in from vacation I was facing the ugly attic situation again (they gave me from one evening to the next morning to relocate everything on it – which can be moved back hopefully this weekend). I ended up carrying boxes of things down to the apartment in a frenzy (and pretty much in darkness) and afterwards I thought I might as well sort through them now, as everything was a mess anyway … I found a box of stuffed animals and dolls and the only question in my head was: Would I like a baby to chew on it? (I don’t have kids but maybe some day … or kids of friends …) The answer was no to everything! Some where beyond their time anyway, others I will maybe try to sell (Steiff, Rainbow Brite) to collectors – or people who don’t share my thoughts on unchewability. The one I am going to keep for sentimental reasons is eagerly awaiting it’s bath in the washing machine now 🙂
I also try to narrow down my collection of fabric I either bought over the years or got from my grandmother by purging everything that maybe used to be my taste years ago but now I would not want to sew anything out of them anymore anyway. Only things that I can envision using within the nearer future go back in the attic. Which will still be too much. But as approaching the aspirational clutter at all is a big step for me, I am fine not expecting to be at the end of purging in this field already.
However, the whole attic adventure is reinforcing the message: clutter eats time and resources (in this case: space – and my sanity) that could be used more pleasantly.
I hope one day I’ll just smile at messages like “the attic needs to be cleared to …”, carry down a box of camping gear or two and call it a day!
Hi Ideealistin,
you must be so over your landlord and that attic by now. They aren’t real great at giving you much notice. Perhaps it is just a sign from above to get things sorted out, perhaps there is some great plan for your future of whisking you off to far away lands where you will achieve successes you never imagined but you will have to part with all your stuff before you leave and these experiences are just leading you up to that. Isn’t it fun being the cup half full kind of person. Regardless of whether or not that little fantasy comes true at least each time this happens you get that attic a little fit more cleared out. Well done.
I got a flyer in my mailbox yesterday informing us that there is going to be a Bulk Waste Pickup in out area this month. Actually I didn’t look at the date because I felt very smug in thinking ~ ‘I don’t thing I need to know about this because I don’t have any junk left that won’t fit in the bin. Yeh Baby!!!
OMG everyone of you has a fabulous story and very valid points BUT!! can I just plead to you all that if you are done with your toys kiss them goodbye, thank them for the years of happiness and loyalty and head to the nearest Toy, Bear & Doll Museum site and have them appraised! As a retired (as in I have other interests now) antique repoduction doll and bear maker I just love the opportunity to gaze at the beauties on display, I am sure a lot of you may have some remarkable toy history in your homes judging from the generations mentioned. If it serves no purpose to you or your loved ones, please take the time to contact a DOLL & BEAR CLUB in your state. Although your kids or you don’t like the idea of dealing with the stuff & clutter, museums/collectors live for people like you to come forth and give them your goodies and pay you for them. Please consider it. Your kids might think your toys boring! now but quite often when I’ve travelled and visited museums etc, I always see kids wowing over antique things that their parents, grandparents and greats had at their age! ‘Adults love to remember that they had one of them’! On a personal note I have put my Chrissy doll on display many times at Doll Shows and she always gets a lot of attention. Originally made in the USA in circa ’69’ (I think) my Chrissy was born in 1971 and I received her from Santa that same year! She’s 40 this year and still has all her own everything and her hair still grows and recedes at a pull and a twist. She’s fab and to date I have only seen 1 other and that was in Melbourne. I won’t be parting with her so my son can sell her when I’m gone and enjoy the proceeds. I have also hung onto my much loved “Binkle & Flip” book by Enid Blyton, which is still in great nick. So pass on your “toy clutter” it just may be the latest treasure kids & big kids will be checking out somewhere on a field trip:) Same goes for baby Christening gowns & layettes and childrens books that are still in beautiful condition.
Dizzy xx
Hi Dizzy that sounds like excellent advice. You and my mother-in-law would probably get on like a house on fire. Her house is full of dolls and teddies and she still dresses dolls for friends who make ceramic one or buy ones at auctions and the like. have you ever heard of the Rosalie Whyel Doll Museum in Bellevue in Washington State USA. My mother-in-law had a great time when I took her there when she visited us years ago.
I am curious about the interest in baby layettes, who collects those?
Hi Colleen,
Yes your Museum is always at the forefront of any info regarding Dolls & such, I loved hearing that your MIL had a great time there and the fact that she dresses hers and others what a charm. As for the layettes you would be surprised how many I have seen get dragged out of storage, we had a lady one year at a show suddenly burst into tears whilst looking at a display of old fashioned dolls. She asked me if the crafter of the doll had made the outfit, or was it antique. Turned out the maker had spent hrs making the outfit from old & new fabrics to look perfect to the original era. This woman disappeared only to return the next day with a full layette type ensemble & a Christening gown in beautiful condition and handed it to the doll maker! WOW it was gorgeous and was received with love and promptly used on the doll. This lady had had it handed down to her eons ago and it was used eons ago before that and although she didn’t want it she looked after it and tried to pass it on. This is a win win if I’d ever seen one. Someone’s ‘Trash’ is anothers ‘Treasure’.
Just a footnote after having been a crafter of a a number of dolls and bears I did come across some lovingly kept and restored dolls that although were beautiful for their history etc OMG some made you think creepy thoughts and on occassion you’d swear the damn things were watching you! After hrs of judging and looking at them some would creep you out LOL I often found myself looking over my shoulder hahaha. If they had of been mine they would of been heading to the nearest museum!!!!
Have a great day everyone, I’m off to have a cuppa with my Mum and hopefully help her sort some more of her and my late fathers stuff!
Smiles Dizzy xx
How timely for me, too! My DBF and I recently rented a trailer and drove three hours to his parent’s house to get all of his childhood ‘treasures’. (And a few things from his adulthood, too.) Very few things actually were treasures–most of it was trash. Unfortunately, we had to drag it all back to our house to sort. Every time we decided to toss something, his dad would pop up and say, “Oh, you can’t get rid of that! So and So GAVE that to you!” or something similar. (Also, they don’t have recycling facilities and we do, so I felt slightly better about all the tossing since it was into the recycling bin.)
The classic Nintendo is now hooked up in the living room, but we aren’t big gamers. The ceiling fans got installed. The Super Nintendo went to the trade-in shop for $31 in store credit! The rest went into (dun dun DUN) OUR attic, but only a very small pile. That pile is now properly stored and neatly stacked. Some things went to the thrift store, happily.
Not one thing out of that TRAILER load of stuff was something he was lacking or wanted. The ceiling fans were nice, but we could’ve purchased new ones. We had one fun evening drinking cocktails and going through letters and notes dating back to third grade(!) before throwing them into recycling, but most of it was stressful and sad and irritating. We aren’t having children, so all of the toys his mom saved could have been given away in the 80’s when a kid would have enjoyed playing with them. I share other poster’s concerns about dangerous metals and plastics.
(I just realized I’m wearing a shirt of his from fifth grade [10 years old] tennis camp as I type this! However, if I wanted a bleached out T with Sharpied signatures all over it, I probably could have found one to sleep in before now. 🙂
As for my own stuff, it’s mostly gone. This blog has really helped me pare down, and to gently assist DBF in his own paring. My own childhood treasures fit into a plastic shoebox. I have been hauling a sackload of 80’s Barbies around in my trunk, meaning to donate them. So I appreciate my mom saving them, but now they are just an annoyance, another errand to do. Oh, and anyone want a 3 ft. tall hand-sewn Annie doll with two outfits?! 🙂
Oh my,
I don’t know why this dawned on me soooo late, but when I was saving all my old toys (or not literally all, but a lot) for future children, I was in a totally different mindset. Revisiting the topic these days (yeah, you really triggered something here), I noticed, if I had children, I would want them to grow up much less attached to material things and with fewer toys (and more decluttering with parental help and guidance) than myself. This would simply not be possible if I inflicted a sh*tload of toys from the past on them so I NEED to bring it down. Everything else would simply be unfair.
As I as a child loved to have things my mom already played with, they seemed deeply magic to me, I am keeping a few favourites. And I am also keeping books I am looking forward to reading again with kids some day. But even with that I try to keep in mind how unimpressed they might be and I try only to keep things for an early age (some stuffend animals) and true classics (Astrid Lindgren books and such).
Hi Ideealistin,
I have done much the same as you but with my children’s stuff, periodically I get them to go through it to make sure the items set aside really mean something to them. The small stash often gets smaller each time. when my children were young our family managed on one wage so that I could stay home and raise them myself. Quite often play time consisted of my sitting and drawing with them teaching them to talk, draw, read and write and there were games etc as well. I had none of my old toys to share with them when they were young because we didn’t have a lot and used them until they were worn out. I had a wonderful childhood and I am sure modern day kids also can without needing literally rooms full of toys to play with.
Hello from another Italian minimalist!
Re: old toys… the only two I really care for are the yellow teddy bear my father gave me when I was 2, which I always had with me and is now (at 44yo, married with a child) in my bedroom, and an Italian doll I called Susanna, but whose real name was Arabella Furga, sold by my mom when I was 10 because I already had other newer dolls and that one was very old and messy. Unfortunately she forced me to give her away, and I regretted ever since.
Last April I discovered a group of dolls collectors and discovered that Furga dolls are highly coveted by collectors, and found one collector that had a doll like mine and was willing to sell it to me. So, after all this time, I bought that again, and she’s now in my bedroom with my teddy bear 😀 My son says she’s creepy, but I don’t care because he’s a boy and she’s MINE 😛
But they are the only ones (ehrm, apart from three old Richard Scarry books, I mean, now in my son’s bookshelf), my Barbies and other dolls are somewhere in my dad’s attic and I don’t care a straw of what he will be doing with them 😛
Hi Alliandre,
let me extend to you are warm welcome to 365 Less Things and say thank you for dropping in to introduce yourself and share with us your toy story. That sounds like a reasonable number on momentos from your childhood to hold on to and I do understand you purchasing a doll similar to your old one. My mother-in-law sold or gave away some dolls she had when moving house once and has regretted it ever since. Unfortunately she has made up for it one hundred fold by becoming a doll maker/collector and now there are dolls everywhere. I don’t think she has ever managed to find replacements for the ones she parted with though.
I had to laugh about your son thinking your doll is creepy, that seems to be a not unusual thing with kids and old dolls. Perhaps you should let your dad know he can clear your stuff out of his attic before you end up having to do it for him.
p.s. actually, my next problem will be my son, who’s now 9yo and whose room we’ll be renovating next week. He’s got a box full of Thomas the Tank Engine toys he’s not willing to give away even if he stopped playing with them last year, when he started with Lego. I don’t care much (or should I say, HE doesn’t care that much) for his other old toys, but Thomas being Thomas I guess we’ll have that for a looong time.
Ouch, and speaking of Lego… that will be a real problem, it’s my Lego and his LOego and my hubby’s Lego so the collection is ever growing. (Yes, actually I’m quite happy to still have mine, because at least he plays with that – ehr, I play too!)
Hi Alliandre,
my son is 20 and we still have his Thomas Toys in the top of his closet. He sold his Lego when he grew out of it to raise funds for a trip to America. i don’t think he has ever regretted that so that is good. Lego is one of those things that will always be popular I think so it does make sense to hand it down to the next generation if you feel the desire to hold on to it for that long. And as adults it is fun to be able to play with it again when we have children of our own. I know I had fun playing with my son’s Lego when he was young. I spent more time helping him pick up all up and resort it thought.